My World
by brainonfire
Summary: "Journeys end in Lovers Meeting" - In this case, however, the reunion of Natasha Romanova and Clint Barton is only the beginning not of one but of two journeys. One journey is necessary to save the world while the second journey is purely emotional and therefore much more dangerous.


She had given up hope that he was still alive. After weeks of searching and - that's how it felt for her - thousands of failed attempts to reach him, Natasha had given up the hope that Clint was still alive and as if he had guessed it, Tony's computer managed to find him. He was on the other side of the world and although the redhead didn't know what her best friend had experienced, how he had been and if he wanted to see her at all, she decided to fly to Japan and bring him home.

Natasha had been prepared for resistance but not for what she finally found there.

The person facing her in the pouring rain was not the man Natasha knew, not the man who saved her. It was someone unknown and yet so well known that it broke her heart. What had happened? Had Thanos also wiped out Clint's family by snipping? Had Clint had to watch his wife and children crumble to dust while he could live on?

How exactly she had managed to calm the man who had swapped his bow for a sword Natasha didn't know but now they were sitting in a spontaneously rented hotel room at least in the dry and had been able to talk. In fact Laura and the children had been dissolved in the dust before his eyes and Natasha didn't want to imagine how painful that must have been for him to lose not only his wife but also his children.

"It destroyed me. I've lost everything," Clint suddenly said after a while in which the silence was heavy in the air. "Anyway, I thought that I had lost everything.

With a frowned forehead Nat separated her gaze from the rain clapping on the roofs outside and looked at him. The eyes that looked in her direction were dark, much darker than Clint's eyes actually were.

"In moments when you're about to lose everything, moments when you lose everything, you finally notice some things that you weren't aware of before."

Clint slowly rose from the bed he had been sitting on and approached her like a predator stalking its prey. Natasha was not afraid. Clint wasn't himself but there was no version of him she would ever be afraid of.

"I loved Laura and I loved our children. I still love her but when Laura dissolved into dust before my eyes the only thing I could think of was…if the same thing happened to you." The dark tone of his voice gave the red-haired one goose bumps. What did he say? Had he gone mad?

"Clint…"

Before Natasha could say anything else, he had closed the short distance between them, had enclosed her face with both hands and pressed his lips so firmly to hers that she could only kiss back, had to respond. It felt so right though it was so wrong. Clint wasn't himself; he couldn't know what he was saying and yet he kissed her with such conviction that Natasha allowed herself just for a moment to believe the words and soak them up like a sponge absorbing the water.

How often she had dreamed of this kiss, longed for it and now that it was happening it had a terribly bitter aftertaste.

Clint made it hard for her to keep thinking about it as he pulled her closer to his body. One hand lay suddenly in her neck while the other one wandered from her face across her chest down to her ass, literally taking her breath away. Just for a moment,' she said to herself. 'I'll just enjoy this for a moment and let it happen and then I'll stop it.' And she would do that although her body, her heart begged her not to do it. Her head was right. She had to think rationally for both of them now because Clint didn't seem to be able to do that anymore. Which was anything but easy when his lips suddenly no longer lay on her lips but kissed her neck.

"Clint…" Her protest was so semi-serious that she didn't take herself seriously and he didn't do it either. Instead, his cold hands slipped under her sweater, pushed it up and pulled it over her head. Without hesitation, Clint threw the black piece of cloth on the floor and withdrew from her for a few seconds to look at her with a glance so animalistic that it should have definitely scared her. But it didn't. Instead it provoked a feeling that wasn't new as such but new in that intensity. Natasha's skin was tingling under each of his touches, her lips burned from the passionate kiss he again involved her in as his hands struggled with her belt. To prevent him from opening her pants, Natasha grabbed his hands, held him tight, and heavily breathed stopped the kiss. Damn how she would have loved to kiss him again, how she would have loved to kiss him again and then end up where Clint definitely wanted to go but she couldn't. She wasn't allowed to let that happen. Clint wasn't himself; he was blind from pain and anger and still so vulnerable that it would have been an indescribable betrayal to do with him now what he was after.

"Clint. Don't. We have to stop." Natasha's voice was shaky, almost fragile, which was because she herself would have preferred not to say those words.

"Why?

"Because you're not yourself."

As if a switch in his head had been flipped, Clint's lips warped to a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I'm more myself than ever."

The red-haired swallowed hard and shook her head but couldn't say anything before he turned her around in a quick movement so she stood face to face with the wall. A hoarse groan came over Natasha's lips as she could clearly feel his hard cock on her butt. He wanted her absolutely out of the question. But that didn't make anything any better and if Clint hadn't traced the scars on her back with his fingers Natasha would have become weak and allowed herself to him.

To feel how he traced the many scars, however, threw the red-haired Russian completely off course. Natasha took advantage of the moment of surprise, freed herself from his arms and pushed him so hard that he fell on the bed behind him.

"No, you're not," she said, picking up her jacket from the floor, quickly putting it on to cover herself. "If you were…you yourself, you wouldn't have kissed me in the first place."

Sluggish and slow, Clint sat up and stared at her. "Oh yeah? Are you sure about that?"

"Yes! I know you. I know who you are and how you tick. You would never-"

"I would never what?"

Natasha narrowed her eyes as she realized that he was now looking for quarrel. "I won't say it again!"

"You think you know something but you don't! You have no idea what I would do or not Natasha," Clint hissed with an angry voice.

"You…" She breathed deeply and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "We are best friends. You are my world and I am yours, remember? Budapest? Clint I know you better than you know yourself and you know me better than any other person in this world," Natasha said slowly and stepped on him, taking his fist clenched hand between her hands. "I love you and I know how much you love Laura."

For a moment it seemed as if he would calm down, but the seemingly deceived one, like Natasha, had to realize when he withdrew from her grip and looked at her with a rage, she didn't know from him.

"You love me!" Clint laughed humorlessly. "You love me! That's wonderful! Then why the hell haven't you called!?" The first hit against her shoulders came as a surprise. "Why did you make me think I lost you too?!" The second hit wasn't surprising and yet it was. "Why didn't you try to find me?!" When he hit her shoulders again, she had the wall in her back and this time the fear was there. Clint had a rage in the eyes that Natasha had never seen before. How he stood in front of her with clenched hands, boiling with rage and probably ready for anything he was frightening. Even for her.

"You speak of love and have made me suffer miserably for so long!" When his fist struck into the wall next to her head, the redheaded one shrugged almost frightened and closed her eyes, having trouble keeping her breath calm. Her heart was beating up to her throat as if it wanted to jump out of her chest and run away.

For a few moments it was very quiet in the room, her body was tense to the burst. And then she heard it. A soft sob sounded next to her ear and let her open her eyes. It took Natasha a few seconds to realize that this sound came from Clint.

He cried.

This strong, indestructible man who had saved her from her personal hell and given her a life, the man she loved with all her heart, cried. Tears came to her eyes and without thinking about it she closed her arms around him just in time to prevent him from falling to his knees. Instead Natasha slowly settled on the floor with him in her arms. Clint buried his face on her neck and she held him as tight as she could, leaning her head against his.


End file.
